Relational dialectics is a concept within communication theory. The theory, first proposed respectively by Baxter[1] and W. K. Rawlins[2][3] in 1988, defines communication patterns between relationship partners as the result of endemic dialectical tensions. In their description of Relational Dialectics, Leslie A. Baxter and Barbara M. Montgomery simplify the concept by posing “opposites attract”, but “birds of a feather flock together”. Also, “Two’s company; three’s a crowd” but “the more the merrier.” These contradictions experienced within common folk proverbs are similar to those we experience within our relationships as individuals.[4] When making decisions, we give voice to multiple viewpoints and desires that often contradict each other.[5]
The Relational Dialectic is an elaboration on Mikhail Bakhtin’s idea that life is an open monologue and humans experience collisions between opposing desires and needs within relational communications.[6] Baxter includes a list of Dialectical Tensions that reminds us that relationships are constantly changing and successful and satisfying relationships require constant attention. Although Baxter’s description of Relational Dialectics is thorough, it by no means is exact or all inclusive since we all experience different tensions in different ways.
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Relational Dialectics is the emotional and value-based version of the philosophical Dialectic. It is rooted in the dynamisim of the Yin and Yang. Like the classic Yin and Yang, the balance of emotional values in a relationship is always in motion, and any value pushed to its extreme contains the seed of its opposite.[7]
In the Western world, these ideas hark back to the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, who held that the world was in constant flux (like fire), with creative and destructive forces on both sides of every process. Mikhail Bakhtin applied Marxist dialectic to literary and rhetorical theory and criticism. He illustrated the tensions that exists in the deep structure of all human experience.[8] For example, he identified that the tension that exists between unity and difference. Bakhtin conceived the human dialectic as two forces analogous to the physical forces centripetal (emotional forces tending towards unity) and centrifugal (emotional forces tending towards divergence). Like the Yin and Yang, Bakhtin's forces have no ultimate resolution.[8]
Baxter took the deep structural analysis of Bakhtin and applied it to communication theory. She found a T-Bangha of axes where this dynamic tension operated.[7] Later authors have added other axes.[9]
There are four main concepts that form the backdrop of relational dialectics, they are: contradiction, totality, process, and praxis.
Contradictions are the core concept of Relational Dialectics. It is the dynamic interplay between unified oppositions. A contradiction is formed "whenever two tendencies or forces are interdependent (unity) yet mutually negate one another (negation)".[10] For example, in a relationship one can simultaneously desire intimacy and distance.
Totality suggests that contradictions in a relationship are part of a unified whole and cannot be understood in isolation. In other words, the dialectics cannot be separated and are intrinsically related to each other. For example, the tension between dependence and interdependence cannot be separated from the tension between openness and privacy - both work to condition and define the other.
Relational dialectics must be understood in terms of social processes. Movement, activity, and change are functional properties (Rawlins, 1989). For example, instances such as an individual fluctuating between disclosure and secretiveness. In addition, the individual may move between periods of honest and open communication (Miller, 2005).
Praxis is a philosophical term for the concept of 'practical behavior' or sometimes 'the experience of practicing'. In praxis the dialectic tensions are created and re-created through the active participation and interaction. In other words, the practical experience of having a relationship exposes one to the imposition of the needs and value of another. As the relationship endures ones own needs and values become apparent. Praxis focuses on the practical choices individuals make in the midst of the opposing needs and values (dialectical tensions). In turn, the choices and actions themselves create, re-create, and change the nature of the relationship and hence the dialectical tensions themselves.
Research has recommended theories which further dialectical understanding in relationships, such as in the marriage, in the workplace, etc.
According to the original relational dialectic model, there were many core tensions (opposing values) in any relationship.[5] These were:
Autonomy and Connectedness: The desire to have ties and connections with others versus the need to separate yourself as a unique individual.
Favoritism and Impartiality: The desire to be treated fairly and impartially versus the desire to be seen and known as “special”.
Openness and Closedness: The desire to be open and divulge information versus the desire to be exclusive and private.
Novelty and Predictability: The desire for the relationship to be predictable versus the desire for it to be original and new.
Instrumentality and Affection: The desire for affection to be genuine versus the desire for affection to be motivated by benefits and perceived advantages of the relationship.
Equality and Inequality: The desire to be considered as equals versus the desire to develop levels of superiority.
According to the theory, while most of us may embrace the ideals of closedness, certainty, and openness in our relationships, the communication is not a straight path towards these goals. Conflicts often produce the exact opposites.[8]
Extensive research has been done regarding the role dialectical tensions play in relationships. Through studies of romantic relationships, long distance relationships, and friendships, researchers have observed the existence and frequency of certain dialectical tensions within various types of relationships.
Romantic Relationships
A study of 25 heterosexual married couples was designed to determine what types of dialectical tensions were most prevalent in antagonistic conflicts between spouses. Larry Erbert found that the Openness v. Closedness dialectic was most commonly referenced through examples by participants[11] Research conducted by Baxter and Montgomery confirmed this finding, and broke the dialectic down into four subcategories to further analyze its existence in romantic relationships.
Long Distance Relationships
Based on research by Sahlstein, the uncertainty v. certainty dialectic is the most prevailing dialectic found in long-distance relationships. Her work exposed uncertainty v. certainty as a competing yet complementary need. In interviews conducted with couples engaged in long distance relationships, contradictions emerged. For example, couples were found to plan interactions in order to obtain a level of spontaneity. Within this, three different forms of the praxis of Relational Dialectics emerged: segmentation, balance, and denial. Segmentation refers to the partners’ ability to live separate, independent lives when they were not together. Balance involved the couple’s ability to plan conversations about the future of their relationship. Denial is the couple’s refusal to admit the role distance is having on the relationship.[9]
Friendships
William Rawlins has examined the role Relational Dialectics in regard to friendships. The tension of instrumentality v. affection was found to be the most central to this type of relationship. Within friendships, importance is placed on the ability to discern the level of affection for “real” friendships opposed to instrumentality for “fake” friendships. Aristotle’s “friendship of virtue” notion of caring for friends without instrumental purposes exemplifies this point. The dichotomy of instrumentality v. affection cannot be ignored within friendships, as affection may be offered in order to receive instrumental aid from friends. This interweaving of concepts is what distinguishes different types of friendships. While this remains true, the subjectivity of the friends in question ultimately determines the outcome of how heavily instrumentality v. affection is applied.[3]
In the Workplace
“Blended Relationships” are close friends that are a part of the same work environment. Dialectical tensions occur in organizations as individuals attempt to balance their roles as employees while maintaining established friendships within their occupations. It is not necessary, however, to have a friend in organizations to experience Dialectical contradictions. Stress occurs frequently on the individual level as human needs and desires oppose. Impartiality vs. Favoritism: Friends within organizations desire to provide each other with special support and assistance but organizations strive for equitable treatment and discourage bias. Openness vs. Closedness: It is a tendency of close friends to be open and honest with one another, but organizations often expects a level of confidentiality that places strain on friendships that value the sharing of information.[12] Novelty and Predictability: Feeling excited about a restructuring of your organization but anxious since it may interrupt your routine and put stress on your current relationships. Instrumentality and Affection: Inviting a coworker to lunch with the intention of asking for support on a project at work.[5]
Publications ;
by wartime deployment: wives’ perspectives revealed through relational dialectics. Communication Monographs, 76 (4), 421-442.